I’m "it"

Whatever “it” is you can find “it” on ebay. Somebody found me.

I awoke (that’s what I do, I awake) to find over 100 new emails the other morning. I assumed that one of my posts had hit a nerve and I had received a few more comments than usual, roughly 100 more. I was wrong. I assumed and therefore made an ass out of you and me. I’m sorry, that’s just how the ass/u/me thing works. I didn’t want to get you involved.

My emails were regarding new items placed for sell on my ebay account. 87 Burberry scarves to be exact. Apparently they were new and gorgeous and you could buy them now for only $40. I had emails that were questions and emails requesting invoices and shipping information. I didn’t have any scarves, but people were buying them. It was as if I had been accused of possessing weapons of mass destruction, beautiful & inexpensive weapons of mass destruction that wrap ever so softly against your wind-chilled neck. No matter how many people I contacted to explain that my account had been hacked and that I did not have any SMD (scarves of mass destruction, no I’m not giving up on this) the more people grew adamant that I did.

I was invaded. First by the scarf seller and then buy the many scarf buyers. Of course I contacted ebay, and they removed the items and reset my account. This did not stem the tide of inquiries that still managed to find me. And then came the threats.

People knew I had the scarves. They insisted I had their money. I had better send the damn scarf- it was a must have, or I better return their money or face the consequences. Embargo? Overthrow me? What could they do? I became defiant.

I don’t care for threats, idle or not. I don’t like being the victim of some weird identity-theft/mystery scarf ring, and I don’t like wowwowwanda@whatever.com to send me repeated emails demanding restitution and/or my head. I don’t have any SMD!

I wish I did, it’s cold in my foxhole, and they look warm and oh, so soft.

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