As I mentioned in the previous post I opened my big mouth and inserted a wedding into it. It happens. I showed up Saturday, with the family, and proceeded to drink my pay. That’s how I roll (and this is how I rickroll).
All was going smoothly. Everyone thought that the couple had married earlier in the week at the courthouse. Needless to say they were surprised to find out they hadn’t. There were probably 30 people there and aside from the couple only Tricia and I were in on it- and Atticus, who said he was going to explode if he couldn’t tell someone and them promptly forgot all about it when he saw that there were other kids to play with.
They made the announcement and then we all went outside to a little gazebo and I conducted the ceremony. Their only request was that I put my beer down prior to starting, which I thought was bullshit, but did because I’m afraid of confrontation.
I stared by quoting Prince, “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life…” then I segued into all of us being touched in one way or another by the couple, and that for some of us it had been inappropriate. You know, wedding stuff. I quoted the Beatles, threw out my patented ‘baby-daddy’ line and pronounced them husband and wife. People hugged, they cried, but mostly they drank and ate tacos, which was messed up because most of them hadn’t done shit.
I’m also available for handfasting ceremonies.