I Slid Into First: Cha-Cha-Cha

I had roughly six or seven beers the other night. This was over a 6 hour period and included a full meal in the duration.

This is about six or seven beers less than what I would have had, with dinner, a few years back. I handled it well. I didn’t get too drunk. I didn’t get myself in any trouble and I didn’t wake up with a hangover.

However, yesterday I had a moment. I was making up for LOST time (we had never seen it and we had to catch up on DVD) when I realized that a bomb was ticking somewhere between my tummy and my taint and I had to act fast.

Then my butt decided to hit replay and loop itself for the next 16 years (that’s to show my insider LOST status). To quote Flushed Away, “me bum looked like the Japanese flag.”

Immediately I thought of the beer(s).

Then I talked myself out of such nonsense and considered other culprits. It could be the fact that I’ve been taking green tea capsules that are fat-burners in addition to antioxidants and natural caffeine sources, and I had a dinner last night (about an hour before my first trip to the super bowl) that was 90% fat. Would that cause it?

I fell asleep dreaming of icicles and thinking how nice it would be to be the prettiest boy in a prison full of snowmen. The shit burned. Literally. I’ve got soap and I’m not afraid to drop it.

I woke up this morning feeling better, but not quite right. Even now I have the uneasy feeling that I’m on the verge of a liver attack.

Getting old is freaking stupid. And then you die. Go vote.

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