Get Back

Holy crap, my back hurts. It hurts in a ‘I stretched across the floor like a pantless Larry Bird all day’ sort of way. I’m not even sure what happened. Sure, I did some crunches yesterday- the exercise, not the Captain. Yes, I lifted the boys above my head and pretended they were walking on the ceiling ala Spiderpig. There was also my trip with the trashcans which I pulled behind me, one in each hand (Did I mention they were heavy? It’s okay, one is recycling!) down our long drive. I suppose it could be any or all of those things.

I have a hunch, well, I will if things don’t improve, that the majority of my backpain is a result of my sitting on my ass on a hard, wooden bench without back-support for 8+ hours a day. That’s my theory.

Yes, this is the same excuse that I used for my weight gain, but my ponch has shrunk down quite a bit. Now Erik Estrada is actual size and he fits snuggly inside my shirt with only minimal discomfort. In fact, the only person that even seems to notice is John, but everyone knows he’s always been a jealous little bitch.

Still, my back freakin’ hurts. I’m walking around like I have a stick up my butt because that’s the only thing that doesn’t hurt (unless the stick has little thorns or thick foliage, that does irritate somewhat and results in a more lanky, yet deliberate stroll).

Sadly, what I believe the culprit to be in both gain and pain is that I’m not getting any sort of legit exercise. I pay dues to a gym, but I don’t go. I have a large yard and it has become nothing but the scenery when I must go from here to there and back again. It’s been hot. It’s been cold. It’s windy. My back hurts. Someone has colic (not really). I’m on house-arrest. The excuses are like assholes. They’re loud and full of crap and sometimes they have sticks in them.

I’ve got to figure out a way to get moving. I’m too young to fill this old and too damn handsome to let myself go. I think it’s time to hit the gym. I just wish 24 Hour Fitness was open a little longer. I’m busy during business hours.

And my back hurts.

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