Shades of Saturday

Saturday was busy. I got up and did some work and entertained the troops. I’m like Bob Hope.

In the picture above I was unshaven and unwashed. I had more hair on my neck than a high school football team has on its collective ass. Varsity. More stink too.

You see, this staying at home with the kids has afforded me a few liberties, one of which is getting dirty. Another is getting sweaty. Yet another is passing out every night from exhaustion (i.e., whisky) before getting up way too early to a crying baby. Somewhere in fulfilling my duties I was never called upon to take care of myself. Hence it being Saturday and my not showering since Tuesday. Gross, I know.

I cleaned up. Then I had a beer. I put on shoes for the first time in exactly 17 days. That’s a good streak. Even DiMaggio had to wear shoes.

The wedding was for my neighbor that is 83. She married a younger man, he’s 72. Yeah, she’s a cradle robber.

She’s also Catholic, which means that she is easily forgiven for such trespasses. Plus, she stays pretty fit from the 10 hours of aerobics mass every week. That would be the upside to Catholicism.

The downside is the freaking wedding ceremony. It was a “light” one, according to the priest, who was roughly 6 years older than God, due to his already conducting 3 masses that day. He explained that in great detail. Then he explained everything he was doing for the remainder of the ceremony in great detail, like he was teaching us how to conduct it ourselves should we wish to marry someone on our own time (been there, done that). Then he would stand quietly with his head down FOREVER. A few times I actually feared that he might not make it through the wedding. I wanted to go shake his old ass and see if he was still breathing.

Those of you that aren’t married, do everyone you know a big favor and DON’T get hitched in a Catholic church. Why, why, why, would you make people you care about sit through something that painful? I know it’s your moment, and you want people to share and care and all that crap, but really, you’re wasting people’s lives, and that time doesn’t come back. I could have knocked that wedding out in 10 minutes. I wished that I had drank more beer.

So I did. I came home, ditched the suit, which by the way made me the best dressed person at the thing. Since when do people wear jeans to a wedding? It didn’t say “casual” on the invitation, and to dress down without being told to just seems rude and disrespectful to me.

But I’m a classy guy.

The concert was fantastic. If you have a chance to see The Police this summer, do it. You’ll thank me. They looked and sounded great.

The Foo Fighters were awesome. They always are. If you like the rock music and a good time, then please go see them live. It will make you feel good all over, like a massage but without the happy ending (I didn’t go backstage).

So that was Saturday. Any questions?

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