Paris is a Moveable Feast

Yes, that is Hemingway. Yes, I stole that idea from Darren. So what? I could have thought of it.

The thing is, Paris Hilton, who is apparently highly moveable, went 5 days without so much as a bowl of hummus. It was hell. HELL, I TELL YOU!

You know she didn’t not eat in jail, otherwise she would be invisible now. It’s not like Al Shaprton going on a hunger strike. He could starve for a month and still be the size of a small car. Paris is about as thin as two Nicole Richies taped together. That’s fucking tiny.

So now that I’m doing this celebrity gossip bit I spend a lot of time looking at porn reading about them. It seems that Paris has had a non-stop parade of food being delivered to her mansion. First of all, it’s all gifts from local fancy-pants eateries. Don’t give her free shit, she has money! Give the free stuff to the 80 homeless guys you walk around on your way down Santa Monica Blvd. Second, it’s all fatty stuff- cupcakes, chocolate, edible body paint, and the like. Does she actually eat this or is it catering for the paparazzi? I can’t imagine that she does eat it, but if she does she must chase it with a finger back and puke it up before it hits her stomach. There’s no way that girl is that skinny from high metabolism, or exercise.

I can’t believe I’ve written this much stuff on freaking Paris Hilton and I’m not even getting paid for it.

Enough.

I think I’ll go have a cupcake, and I’m keeping that shit down.

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