A Stroll Unknown

I was sitting in the dark, listening to the wind and sipping on a glass of Maker’s. The boys were in bed, Tricia was at work and I was slowly melting into the warmth of the whiskey. I needed to unwind.

I heard a noise from the hallway and noticed the shadow of Thing 1 moving towards me, which meant only one thing, he had to pee. I asked him and he muttered no. Then he just stood there in the dark, not sipping or melting, so I assumed that he was listening.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Yes,” he replied after a long pause. If he was playing for dramatic, he got it.

“Yes what?”

“Yes Daddy, I have to go pee-pee.”

“Cool. Let’s go.” I said and led him down the hall.

He stood still for a moment, pulled his pajamas down, and suddenly and silently, peed in the can. The trashcan.

He was sound asleep. I turned him towards the proper target without his ever breaking stream. When he was done I pulled up his pants and carried him back to bed. He didn’t make a sound. I think he was listening.

I also think I know why I can’t get the damn urine smell out of the bathroom.

Melting in puddles of whiskey has got nothing on sleep that sound.

Speaking of puddles, if you’ll excuse me, I have a floor to clean.