I Don’t Do Windows

No, this isn’t another post bashing PC’s. They do enough damage to their own image without my help. They’re like the republicans of the computer world.

Also, the “I” in the title is actually me. Not an iMe or anything like that, just me and some windows that are so polluted I can’t see my vista.

Way back in 2006, Christmas to be exact, Thing 1 and I took the liberty of decorating our home L.A. style. We tagged it.

We didn’t use spray paint, we used snow. Canned snow. Yes, I said canned snow, quit shaking your collective frostbitten heads, it’s freaking sunny here. Anyway, we sprayed a couple cans of snow on the windows for the optimal frosted look. It worked well.

On December 26th, when the wife and I went on a Grinch-like rampage and packed away Christmas, I cleaned the frosted window panes with the hose. It made a bit of a mess. I even got some mud on my well-tanned bare feet. I had to take off my t-shirt to wipe them clean.

I considered the job done and went about the business of applying sunscreen on the kids before they got back in the pool.

Flash-forward to today. I’m sitting at the dining room table enjoying some coffee and a hefty blogroll (meatless) and I realize that my windows, the clean ones, are disgusting. I can still see where the snow had been, but now, not unlike the real stuff, it as turned a shade of grey that is many things but pleasant.

Wow, I thought, my dad was right. I do do things half-ass.

I decided to cowboy-up and do the right thing. I got out the Windex and went to work. Now, instead of the ghosts of snow I have windows covered in smears and streaks. Granted, they are only viewable at certain angles, which is partly why they exist, I keep thinking they’re gone. Oh no, they aren’t going anywhere, and I used the whole roll of paper towels.

It looks like a busload of 3rd graders came by and covered the glass with fingerprints and blow-fish, respectively.

I think I’m going to let it go. It does look better than it did, all things being relative. My view of the world has always been cloudy at best, why not let my home represent?

Maybe I’ll hire a specialist.

Damn windows, that’s what I think about them apples.

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