Last year I had more important things to think about than a fake holiday.

This year I’ve got nothing. The family is complete. The dogs are well fed. The car is paid off. I’ve got time to kill.

I spent it by buying gifts for the boys and Tricia, plus a Young’s Double Chocolate Stout for our drunk in residence Anthony (see Fonzie). What can I say, I’m a giver.

I must say though that being a parent has really changed Valentine’s Day for me. It used to be about getting laid, or more often, not getting laid. It was a holiday created by someone, I’m guessing the Pentavirate (consisting of Hallmark, Russell Stover, and Colonel Sanders before he went tits up) to encourage men to woo women.

Here’s the thing. Men generally don’t need encouragement, other than a few pints of course. We like women. We’ll woo them at our leisure. However, we don’t like being told that we have to do it. We don’t like being told we have to do anything.

If we wanted to be bossed around we would marry women not woo them.

Now the “holiday” is more about the kids. We buy little cute candies and toys and reiterate our love for them. Basically the same thing we do every day but with a heftier price tag.

Whatever. The kids enjoy it and I’ve got the time.

Happy Valentine’s Day suckers.

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