I’ve seen KISS in concert. I live in an area where sonic booms are the norm. I have a baby that cries in the night. I’ve been drunk in a library. However, none of these things can hold a candle to what is the loudest noise known to man- opening a bag of chips when children are sleeping.
What is it that amplifies the opening of an air-sealed bag? Granted, these Buttermilk Garlic Mash Potato Chips from Trader Joe’s were sealed so tightly that I couldn’t open the bag despite my trying my hardest. Really. This is the second time (same chips) this has happened. Even though my attempt failed it was still loud as hell, like falling in a vat of bubble-wrap. Kids from 2 streets over came running.
I finally had to cut the damn bag open with a knife, which was much quieter. Next time I’ll just do that first. I suppose I should feel like a wuss for such a moment of weakness, but I’m just happy I got the damn bag open without waking the baby.
In my defense, yes I was trying my hardest, and yes, it was pissing me off, but much of my anger was at the noise of said trying, and I suppose that if I went Hulk on that bag it would have “opened” all over the kitchen. That would be a no-win.
Hence, the knife. And the sleeping baby. And the yummy chips in my belly. And nothing but the soothing sounds of My Morning Jacket to challenge the weak noises that claim to be all of that…but not a bag of chips.