Will Babysit for Food

We don’t have a regular childcare provider other than my wife’s mother, who does help out often, but can’t always. Not only that, she watches the kids so we can work, not so we can have a moment of adult life sans bratpack. Sometimes a parent needs a movie that isn’t rated G. Sometimes a parent needs to have a beer or four. Wouldn’t you like to get away?

We don’t know a lot of people in this town. Sure, I have co-workers and some regular bar guests, but that generally breaks down into three categories: people with a busy life of their own, the young and stupid, and the alcoholic. None of which are the perfect candidate for constant and reliable childcare.

The people with a life will help if asked, and don’t appear to have a problem doing so, but as the description indicates, they have a life. I probably feel worse asking them to watch the kids than they do being asked, but I can’t help but think, hell, I don’t want to watch other people’s kids. I’m having a rough ride with my own. Why would someone else want to be the clown in this rodeo?

The young and stupid are just too young and too stupid. I’m afraid I would come home and find my kids with their hats on sideways and tattoos on their neck. Even more likely, they would be sitting in their own feces at the feet of said babysitter who is focused on nothing but the text messages that r 2 cool 2 miss, and the soothing sounds of Akon. That couldn’t be good.

The alcoholic option speaks for itself doesn’t it. I hope so.

That is why we have created a new option. We’ve gone homeless.

Yes, we have homeless people watch our kids. It’s perfect really. They don’t have anything else to do. They don’t know how to work any of the distracting computer or stereo equipment. They aren’t going to leave the house- it’s freaking cold outside. They will watch the kids all day for $20 bucks and a couple of beers- which they don’t get until I get home. It’s perfect.

I considered hiring the illegal immigrants that stand outside Home Depot, but then there is the language barrier, not to mention the negative backlash should I ever seek political office.

I really think that we have found the best solution for our problem. I can rest easy knowing that the worst thing that could happen is my kid getting lice, and that shit happens at the fanciest of daycares.

I’m thinking locally, but I may take this global. Honea’s Homeless Heroes- curbsitting to babysitting. It makes sense doesn’t it?

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