I just can’t get enough of that word. I find myself singing it in my head to the tune of everybody’s favorite Dennis Leary song, I’m An Asshole. See how easily that slides in there. Of course, I’m the same guy that laughed for three days about a punchline containing the phrase “Man Hole” and the subsequent “Man Hole Cover”. That shit just cracks me up.
The thing is, I am a gashole, and with the upcoming holiday(s) it ain’t getting any better. Partaking as I do in all things festive, be it too many lattes (say it with me: GIN-GER-BREAD!), Christmas beers, rich and sweet foods, or my latest craze, the seasonal Cliff Bar, I am a pompous windbag.
I’m afraid I might fart up a lung.
The kids enjoy it. Sure, it’s great around the dinner table, but what about the incoming company? It’s not that I would be embarrassed letting one rip in front of them, hell, my sister alone has had more than her share grace her pinned-down head, but it doesn’t seem like the sort of thing a polite host would do in front of his holiday guests. Does it? Besides, I’m pushing 40, and I’m a dad, at what point should I just quit farting altogether?
Luckily, I have a baby and two dogs to shift the blame to should anything go awry, and of course I just have to share something special with my little sister. It’s what gasholes do.
…and somewhere in the distance Dennis Leary is singing.