Getting Old is Stupid

No, it’s not my birthday. I was just looking in the mirror is all.

When I was younger I was skinny. Very skinny. I was so skinny I was afraid that Sally Struthers might eat me. I was thin, but as you can see, I made it work:

My hair was thick. I’m sure that my body weight actually consisted of 85% hair fat. It was huge and round like a hairy watermelon on my noggin. Again, I rolled with it:

My point? I’m getting fat and losing my hair. I used to drink weight gainer & protein shakes until my breath and my flatulence were indistinguishable. I used to wish my helmet of hair wasn’t so protective. I was a 12 year old Jimmy Johnson.

Now I’ve got a protective coat of winter flubber and my once overpowering hair has retreated into a nicely spread fur coat for the entire body. I have trouble seeing how this is fair.

The one thing that I have going for me is that supposedly men become more distinguished with age, so there’s that. Plus, there’s the total consciousness that the Dali Lama promised me, which is nice.

Anyone else aging with less grace than advertised?

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