Recently I mentioned something about going to The Gap to a co-worker and she quickly stopped me short and said, “Gap? I hate that store, it’s just whiney music and ‘I went to college’ clothes.” This was apparently an insult. Apparently my whole town agrees with it.
-Me: So, you’re saying college is a bad thing?
-Town: I’m saying it stoopid.
-Town: No stoopid! Like you stoopid.
-Me: Please humor me, reading books then is “stoopid”?
-Town: Ain’t nobody reading no books!
-Me: So someone is reading a book?
-Town: Don’t college mind-trick me nerd-nugget.
-Me: You mean Jedi. Jedi mind-trick.
-Town: Speak freakin’ engleese muthafucka! Jedi is stoopid.
When did the pursuit of higher education become a faux pas? When did someone that listens to country music start labeling anything else as “whiney”? When did I become a spokesperson for The Gap?
It isn’t. They shouldn’t. I’m not.
I live in a town where the shorts are long and baggy, the hats are sideways and the underwear is in full view. The trucks are too big, the ignorance bigger, and the holes in the earlobes are the biggest show of them all. The beer is crap and the white power is so prevalent that the N-word finds itself in conversations that it has no business being in, as if it belongs anywhere, and nobody flinches. Old tattoos come here to die.
The talk of the town is riding motorcycles or heading out to Havasu with the boat. We live an hour from the ocean, but people would rather drive their big-ass trucks 6 hours to a lake in the hottest town in America.
It’s like every tornado from every trailer-park dumped all of their respective cargo in the desert around my house. Granted they were here before I was, and that’s fine because I want them to stay here when I leave.
White trash is as much an insult as any, but they wear it like a badge. If you opened a bar here that served nothing but Bud Light and macaroni and cheese you would be rich, growing fat on food stamps and I.O.U.’s.
I was taught to never look down on a man but to give him a hand up; however, I think this pile is best stepped over.
Have I become a snob? Is it legit that I should be bothered by the swamp of stupidity that lingers in the tall grass around me? Actually, the only thing lingering in the tall grass are cars on blocks, but you get the idea.
The Gap here is wide and it doesn’t sell clothing. It hands out complacency in brown paper bags. It traffics in stoopid.