Gross, Painful and NOT Contagious

I wasn’t sure if I should post this or not, since it is fairly gross, but I’ve got nothing else, so be warned.

About a week ago the lymph nodes in my neck started to become swollen and very sore. I developed a sore throat and fever. I figured that I was coming down with something, most likely the bird-flu.

This continued for a few days without any new developments. Then I noticed that my lone wisdom tooth was being overrun in some sort of gum revolt. Revolting. I decided then and there that this was a case of wisdom tooth stupidity and would have to go back under the knife, or pliers.

I was out of town over the 4th and needless to say the pain intensified. I took some great British medicine in an unreasonable dosage and felt a bit better. Of course I seized the opportunity and whined like a little kid for the entirety of our trip.

My dentist fit me in as soon as I got home and I went in prepared for the worst- impacted tooth, bird-flue, mouth cancer. Lay it on me, Doc.

He took some x-rays, poked me with a stick and yanked my tongue out further than Gene Simmons at a Baskin Robins. “Are you under a lot of stress?” he asked. I replied quickly, “Yesh!” He let go of my tongue and said “Canker sores. ”

Yes, canker sores. Big ones. Lots of them. They were on the bottom of my tongue, inside my lip and along the gum line. The best ones were at the back, hidden and crafty, lined up to take a turn on the big tongue water slide. “Thaths grossth” I said.

Apparently the huge stress monkey that lives on my back wasn’t content making my face look like a 17 year old working the fry machine. No, my body thought it might be fun to swell me up and float me around for a few days like a walking and not talking (it hurts too much) Thanksgiving Day balloon. Gross indeed. And very painful.

My glands are still sore and swollen, causing tenderness and discomfort up and around the ear on either side. My throat and head still hurt. My face is slightly puffy on the right side and everything in my mouth is swollen. I cannot eat fruit, drink soda, or, get this, use toothpaste for two weeks. “Brush with water.” the dentist said.

That might be the grossest thing of all.

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