Hammer Time

What is this talked-of mystery of birth? But being mounted bareback on the earth? – Robert Frost

Making the decision to have a child – it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body. – Elizabeth Stone

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. -Kahlil Gibran

It is late. I’m drinking my second beer in twenty minutes. I’m nervous. It is early. In a few hours it will be happening. Again. My wife will become the consummate artist and complete her masterpiece: New Life.

She will be gone to me for a period of time, and me, I am alone and loving her with feelings that I cannot express except to say that they make my body tighten with the very thought. And I am watching as strangers cut her flesh and pull from it someone I’ve never met, despite their having laid beside me for some nine months. It will be me and this child. My baby. Father and …

I don’t know if I’m going to be looking into the eyes of my son or my daughter. Not knowing is fun we say, and it is, but it makes the unknowing even more… unknown. I am choked with anticipation and I am drowning it in beer and the promise of tears.

Atticus is finally getting it. He seems anxious too. I worry for him. I wonder what thoughts he danced with as he tangoed off to sleep. Who is the partner in crime he has kissed nightly yet never seen? What impressions will be made? Fate is full of building blocks and the morning greets our foundation.

He’s a deep kid. I was him once. I was the only child, spoiled and I suppose sweet, not that I remember any of it. I was four when my sister was born. Her arrival changed my life and I don’t even know how. I do know that it was for the better, and I know that Atticus will be a good big brother- probably better than me.

Spring is nigh. We have sewn and we have reaped, and it is time to repeat the cycle. There are extra hands this time. He is the smallest, but he will dig beside his mother and me as we tend to whatever metaphor you want to use.

I only know that my harvest will be the fuller for it.

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. -Theodore Hesburgh

It is a wise father that knows his own child. – William Shakespeare

I am going to be a dad…again
and still. Still I am a dad.
It will be new because it is you
and you have undeserved shadows
already cast over you
and boots to fill
but I have faith in you
though we haven’t
been properly introduced.

You are number two.
That is just
a matter of chance.
It is chronological.
It is not a ranking.

your big brother
is about the coolest,
and you are luckier at this point
because you have things
that he never did-
like him for instance.

Come out smiling
and be welcomed.
Come out knowing
how fortune feels
and know that love
is the most important
currency in my wallet.

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