LIES & THE LIARS THAT WRITE THEM, I.E. ME

I have decided to create my own style of fiction, genre if you will, which will be called liation. Basically it will consist of taking the truth and passing it off as fiction. Why would someone do this? There are many reasons. The first is that they are tying to protect someone and/or the feelings of said someone. More likely though, is that the writer is lazy and unimaginative but has experienced and/or heard experiences that make for an entertaining read. Hence, truth, albeit stretched in matters of size, i.e. fish and/or penis. That is where the word liation comes from, “lia” being the base of “liar” and “tion” being the end of fiction, and probably meaning something that would be relevant in this new form.

Admittedly, this new style, while shiny and still smelling of leather seats and freshly unwrapped pieces of pine scented cardboard, is not entirely new outside the realm of writing. Liation was first created in ancient Rome, or perhaps Greece, and was called “Politics”. The main difference between “Politics” and my creation is that the original was implemented into society in order to screw people, while mine was created to get people to screw me. This may sound like splitting hairs, but really, there is a world of difference.

Take if you will our current example of a political figure, George W. Bush. Seriously, take him. I know that is an old joke, but it is a perfect example of how art from the past becomes the liation of today. In this case the classic “take my wife . . . please” comedic styling of Henny Youngman, wherein his plea to take his wife is very real, but he plays it off like a joke so as to keep her from getting pissed. Not only is this smart in terms of wit and comedic genius, but also in terms of not having to sleep on the couch.

The uses of liation are only limited by the imagination. Of course, if the liator had much imagination then they would be capable of creating actual fiction rather than taking this shortcut. To further illustrate my point I have provided the following short example of liation. I hope that you enjoy it:

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